Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Happy Halloween 'Til the Candy Runs Out

In my case, it would be Halloween far into 2012 (not the worst thing). However, I found some ideas to stop you from eating candy like its the only thing allowing you to continue breathing. Your thighs and ass will thank you. Oh, and some of them make you a good person too

Okay, so I found this is a bit odd at first. Usually the guy gives you a toothbrush and a pack of floss (which will never again see the light of day) and tells you all your teeth will fall out if you do not floss twice daily. I guess it's not the worst business plan... Giving out sugary sweets to five year olds with no problem stuffing down 3 reeses and 12 hershey kisses in an hour is guaranteed return business for the next 20 years. However, since I am still trained to "read" articles by looking at the title and finish books by reading the Clif's notes (thank you college), I totally missed the point. They ship the candy overseas or donate it to a local charity. Then the dentist give you a toothbrush and the floss pack.
2. Freeze it and save it for December when you can use it for your own advent calendar, stocking stuffer or gingerbread house.
3. Bring this to a party.
4. Save those swedish fish and skittles to drop in your next cocktail (like you never had one of those in college)
5. Ship them to anyone in your family still in college. There is nothing nicer than getting a package, unless its candy.
6. Store some of the smaller goods in airtight containers and use for ice cream toppings and small treats. Just keep them on a high shelf where it's easier to forget about them. Out of sight, out of mind... This is also great to be used for bribes while babysitting or emergencies of chocolate starvation.
7. Attach a little bag of candy with a kind note and leave it in your mailbox for the mailman, or give it to your dry cleaner, doorman, or anyone who does something for you regularly that you can show appreciation for.

Happiness Means...
1. White Chocolate Kit Kats (6 of them)
2. Magic Hat Brewery Variety Pack
3. a 2 year old dressed as Gilligan
4. Telling kids to take as much candy as they wanted, and watching them take two lollipops.
5. Ravens beat the Cardinals. Thank God. Also, happiness means really hardcore tailgates:

Bud Light bottles in a Natty boh container, ripples chips and generic dip, RoFo chicken thighs, bloody mary fixings and a 5hour energy. Amen.

Goal: Get rid of this candy!

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