Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Tee Hee Tuesday

SO I was looking through youtube today and found some pretty great/terrifying/amazing videos... enjoy!

I seriously can't stop laughing... seriously.

Kills me every time:

I'm on..... tv?

Happiness Means:
1. Smell of chocolate chip cookies baking. I wasn't even hungry for these last night but I made them anyway because there are few things that make a house smell so good (besides chicken pot pie).
2. My little white bedroom. I was feeling under the weather yesterday, so I stayed home in my full bed with white linens, white comforter, against the white brick walls under white string lights over the window. I can never get enough of my teeny white bedroom. It suits me to a "T".
3. Candles. I lit a pumpkin spice candle last night before bed to put me in the mood for fall, and although it's not my favorite Yankee Candle brand, it will do for now!
4. Oikos yogurt and honey for breakfast. Delicious.
5. Birthdays! Because mine is tomorrow and my parents will be visiting. Truly the best gift of all.

Goal today: Go for a long run like I used to...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Dear Bank of America,

I just want to give you a heads up that I am going to be in serious trouble. But it's not my fault. Really. This will be the reason you'll have to start sending more of those "warning, your statement has fallen below $25" emails to thousands of girls in America (not like I've ever received one of those obviously).


Seriously, how did I miss the memo that Zara has online shopping FINALLY?! Here are some of the goodies I'd like to see in my closet...

Happiness Means...
1. Wedding boutiques. HITCHED in Georgetown is beautiful.
2. Shitake sushi. I'm not a vegetarian but I'm a sucker for mushrooms and these are delish!
3. Cocktails. Besides the fac that they're delicious, "cocktail" is such an elegant word. Much better than "mixed drink" ew.
4. Outside in the sunshine! It's a beautiful day and I always look forward to leaving the office after 9 hours indoors in front of the computer.
5. York peppermint patties. My newest craving/addiction/crack cocaine. I go through phases. First it was almond joys, then jelly beans, then candy corn, not peppermint patties. A vicious cycle!

Goal: Cook dinner and stop spending money out (so I can start spending on Zara!)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The "Little Things"

One of my favorite blogs I read daily is "The Littlest Things" by Sophie. Beautiful pictures, beautiful clothes, lovely life. It's fun to read so many blogs and simply see how much beauty there is in the world, right down to the teeny tiny leaves and flowers on the ground. However, even though sometimes the "littlest things" put a smile on my face, there are other "littlest things" which always bring me within 10 seconds of going bat shit crazy. And they are:
1. A swollen door you can't easily open but have to throw yourself into 12 times before finally breaking through and most likely falling on the floor with your bag of groceries, purse, blackberry, keys and coat/shoes you're holding in your hand.
2. Squeezing out of your car door because the asshole next to you took up 1/8th of your parking spot. Add fuel to the fire if there is still a passenger in this car to watch you as you shimmy out trying desperately to avoid the boob brush against the window. You end up looking like
3. $10 minimum charges. Walk in for a chapstick, leave with silly bandz, STAR magazine, Sour Patch Kids and beef jerky.
4. Baking a cake only to find out you forgot eggs. After you went to the super market. Whelp, those 35 minutes you spent scouring Safeway for the cheapest baking products and what’s on sale really worked out well for you considering now you have to buy a $40 Baskin Robbins cake.
5. Vacuum sealed jars. I realize pickles and spaghetti sauce and horseradish need to be kept fresh, but the efforts made just to get a goddamn claussen spear should by no means resemble that of a crack heads for that last hit of dill (cue frantic scene of running jar under boiling water, smashing against counter top, sweat and tears over the grip of a lunatic's callused hands). And those pickles in a bag? No.
6. Seeing someone pulled over in the middle of traffic. Literally, the reason I've been late to work three times now. Nope, no accident, just traffic because some moron cop pulled someone over in the MIDDLE LANE. I think in these instances people should be able to issue tickets to police. How is that not dangerous? I am always tempted to drive straight into them and throw myself out of the car screaming, "I can't feel my legs!” However, this would probably end in thousands of dollars of fines I would have to pay, the possible death of innocent commuters, and likely the amputation of my legs.
7. Underground pimples. Yep, I said it. Gross, but you know what I'm talking about. You actually feel like at any moment Schmiegel might burst out of your skin, or you could very well be growing a third eye on the back of your head. These little buggers taunt you until they're ready for a good squeeze. Only... they're not. Five minutes, a huge blister and many tears later, you pop an ibuprofen and hope people won't notice the giant alien growing on your forehead.
8. Low battery. Could be your ipod thirty seconds into your 30 minutes on the treadmill. Could be your blackberry, as soon as you discover you're lost in the middle of Chinatown with $3 in your pocket and the inability to speak Chinese (how you say... get me the F out of here?!). Heck it could even be your camera just before your kid's first dance recital. The worst part of this is not that you're going to have to sweat it out to 90s pop and Lionel Ritchie's greatest hits, and its not that you'll be stuck in Chinatown for the next two hours trying to understand how you've already driven by 5 Ming's Restaurants (hey at least you can get a decent egg roll somewhere during this insanity trip), and its not even that your daughter will never have documentation of her first stage performance for E! Hollywood News when she's America's favorite girl next door on the new hit Fox series. No, it is just a reminder of how much of a lazy shit you really are for not taking the time to charge it. It was more important to you to spend those five extra minutes you had trying to open that damn Claussen jar.
9. Missing the breakfast menu. You're telling me I can't order a hashbrown because it's 11:00? We both know they're stocked in your freezer, you just need to dump one in the basket of fries, charge me the price of a McChicken, and wrap it in a goddamn McChicken wrapper if you need to. When will McDonalds realize they are losing thousands of dollars (from me alone) every year that they do not offer their breakfast menu 24 hours? Maybe they're doing me a favor.
10. No means NO. And no, I am not quoting a domestic dispute between Ben Roethlisberger and his new wife; I'm talking about those small but imperative requests to meals. No mayo, no ham, no onions, no mushrooms. For the love of God, when I said no mayo it wasn't because I'm really just not in the mood for white globs of glue on my ham sandwich today. It's because I never want melted globs of glue on my ham sandwich. The cruel deceit of a seemingly perfect ham and swiss melted sandwich between two toasted slices of rye is almost too much to bear once you discover within the first bite that the $8.50 you spent was for $5 worth of white goo hiding under romaine leaves. Ugh, that sandwich was almost perfect. Sort of like the cast of Law and Order SVU. Scrape off Ice T and you don't have to throw away the whole thing.

And for a 180, here is what makes me happy, little and big:
1. Candy corn
2. Wine and sushi and good friends. My plans tonight involve all three, including a late night showing of Notorious.
3. My Tory Burch leopard patent flats. Still.
4. That I Got to see this on Sunday:

and this

5. Curling up in my boyfriends bed and catching up on rotten tv while my boyfriend stays downstairs playing Madden. That's love. Now if only his bed looked remotely like this...

Oh yes, and by the way, as I predicted I've abandoned you all for some time. But I'm back for now... no promises :)