Thursday, March 31, 2011

Gimme SUN

So since the sun has decided to take a little vacation, I'm thinking I deserve one too. This dreary weather is making everything suck. Perhaps its a smidge of seasonal depression? The treatment suggested are these bright light therapy lamps...

Ahh yes, hardly noticeable and not at all annoying as you sip your morning coffee or work from your desk. "Whats that Sue? Oh its just my seasonal depression lamp. By placing it directly in front of my face for multiple hours at a time, I feel great! Granted its hard for me to see for a while after and I start knocking things over, but its really improved my overall mood!" I can just imagine someone with one of these getting into an argument or cryfest over something, only to have her husband run for the light lamp. "HERE! CHEER UP!!!" Screw that, I'd rather go somewhere warm and lay in real sunshine. Like Bali...

or Santorini...

or the Tropics...

or hey, George Clooney's spot on Lake Cuomo...

If I can't get there today, maybe I'll go home and shine a flashlight in my eyes to see if that does the trick. Hasta luego!

Happiness Means...
1. "The Sun will come out tomorrow!" or eventually...
2. My family lives at the beach. Only a couple more months until toes are in the sand :)
3. Liquid Sunshine...

4. Palladio Allegro by karl Jenkins, also known as the DeBeers song for "A Diamond is Forever." Amazing.
5. I'm meeting my two best friends for happy hour to celebrate one's birthday! BONUS: $1 beers til 9:00 WOO!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Woe Is Me

Ok so because this is my blog and I write essentially to no one but myself, I am going to vent and feel sorry for myself now. Sometimes I'm just sad. I know, everyone is gloomy sometimes and we all have our days when we think, for the love of God, I want everyone to disappear and I want to snap my fingers and win the lottery and be magically planted on a beach. BUT sometimes I just feel like I try so hard being happy and grateful and easygoing that it makes me disappointed in myself when I DON'T feel that way. Does that make sense? Sometimes I build expectations of what I want my evening or weekend to be like, and as soon as its not, I'm grumpy. I know thats childish and selfish, so I immediately try and cover up this grumpiness and just try and be as easygoing and blase as possible, because I don't want to disappoint anyone. However, this backfires because I can't hide emotions quite well, so I end up being in a shitty mood. I was talking to my therapist about this, and she thought maybe because I am constantly trying to please other people while having my own expectations, its inevitable that theres going to be a clash. I also mentioned that I get frustrated sometimes because all week long I work at a desk, at a job that I do not find fulfilling or even gratifying really. Evenings and weekends are the only time I have to do something fulfilling and gratifying, but its usually spent on the couch or going out drinking. Sometimes I get really frustrated that those seem to be the only options anyone ever thinks about. I love wine and of course drinking at the bars is a good time, but I hate when it becomes the focus. I really don't like starting my Saturdays off drinking when I think there's so much more I'd rather be doing. Living in DC I want to explore everything. I used to make this very obvious and would constantly complain that "we never do anything" to the boy, but I've tried to ease up. However, I still hate that we don't really share any memories or activities together. I know weekends for most boys are most enjoyed playing video games and just hanging out, but I really hate it. I end up curled up on the couch and semi-napping the day away. This past weekend boy and I went to his university club to work out (he played squash and I went to the gym) and even though we weren't together it was SO nice GOING somewhere together. Sometimes I get worried that we really don't have much in common and if we're ever going to live together or anything, I'm going to be constantly annoyed that he doesn't want to go see a museum 10 minutes away, and he's going to be constantly annoyed that I'm not content just lounging around. I think half my problem is that when I build these expectations its because I see how many other couples go bike riding, or go on a little road trip for the afternoon, or even walk their dog together, and I realize we don't even do that. I know, I know, we DON'T live together, and every weekend I'm at his house with his roommates so even if we do make plans its usually shared with the gang. I love my DC family and everyone in our group relaly is a best friend, but I can't help but wish we had a few moments to ourselves doing something away from everyone. THe best times I've ever had with boy were on weekends at his lake house, just the two of us, or visiting Baltimore and exploring away from his house and family for the afternoon. I love when we go out to dinner (sans cell phone or tv over the shoulder) and just laugh and talk. I think one of my favorite memories is going to a pizza place by his lake house and playing a stupid game and drinking beers just because we laughed the whole time. I love him so much and I know I can be a huge pain in the ass, but I just wish we did more with each other. I really think he's the smartest person I know and he's my best friend and I want to share everything with him. I'm not saying he's not a good boyfriend or I think we're incompatable- he's a better boyfriend than I could ever ask for. He's gotten me more flowers for no reason than for occasions, he's constantly asking how my day is going, he supports me in all areas of my life, and he truly loves me more than anyone could. But I'm just going to feel sorry for myself now and hope we can do more together. I have a hard time expressing any of this because I don't want him to feel like he's at fault or to get irritated with me, so more often than not I don't say anything. I think I need to work on this, but I'm not sure how... Wow this post is long and winded and doesn't make much sense. I almost want to delete it, butI also think it helps to re-read how you felt at different moments in your life to reflect on them. SO I'm not in a particularly great mood today, but I stumbled upon a couple photos and clips that made me feel better. What's happier than puppies and watching soldier reunite with their families??

Happiness Means...
1. Coming home.

2. Peonies are still my favorite

3. This little guy

4. One day I'll be on a beach in Santorini... This is from a trip the boy's parents actually took:

5. These shoes. I would sell my soul. LOVE BHLDN shoes

By the way, those girls at the top are my best friends. This picture is from our reunion two weekends ago, and it makes me smile- everyone looks great! Goal is to print and post at my desk to brighten up even my gloomiest of days :)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Elizabeth Taylor

I haven't posted in a while, not because I've been SO busy (come on, how hard is it to take five minutes to jot something down) but I simply haven't felt like it. I've been resting and going and traveling and laughing and spending and cooking and driving and chatting and cleaning and crying and walking and smiling and working and eating and wondering and worrying. Just your average day in the life of a human. Elizabeth Taylor passed away yesterday, and I can't help but feel that she'll be the next poster decorating every college girl's dorm right next to Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn. Just like Marilyn Monroe she was a sex symbol married multiple times and the center of more than one or two scandals. Like Audrey Hepburn, she played some of the greatest parts in film history as an innocent child star to an iconic Hollywood starlet (who can forget her in “A Place In the Sun”?). But she wins me over Marilyn and Audrey simply because she knew who she was and made no apologies. She could laugh at herself and knew how ridiculous she looked. She had a kind and charitable heart and an acceptance for all people. There was never a “woe-is-me” attitude throughout all the scandals and health problems. She simply kept calm and carried on. This morning’s special on the Today Show ( paid tribute to Elizabeth Taylor, and even though it was 8 minutes long I felt like it showed who she really was amidst all her fame and glamour- just a person. Maybe not average, but still with the same feelings we all have. Here are some inspiring and funny quotes by the late Elizabeth Taylor:

“I’m a survivor – a living example of what people can go through and survive.”
“When people say, ‘She’s got everything’, I’ve got one answer – I haven’t had tomorrow.”
“I’m a survivor – a living example of what people can go through and survive.”
"I feel very adventurous. There are so many doors to be opened, and I'm not afraid to look behind them."
"I have a woman's body and a child's emotions."
"I've always admitted that I'm ruled by my passions."
"I've only slept with men I've been married to. How many women can make that claim?"
"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."
"My mother says I didn't open my eyes for eight days after I was born, but when I did, the first thing I saw was an engagement ring. I was hooked."
"So much to do, so little done, such things to be."

And since I am suddenly fascinated by Ms. Taylor, here is a lovely article from Gene Seymour

SO I'm happy for...
1. My dear fried Kris. She's almost 40 years older than me, but she is a joy to work with and has always looked out for me. She gives great advice and takes me to fabulous parties where I've met celebrities and famous businessmen and women in the District. She's single and beautiful and has more friends than you could ever imagine. She's exactly how I hope to be at her age. Fabulous.
2. I am so spoiled. Boy went away for work again, and I haven't seen much of him. I was away last weekend but we got to spend Sunday together before he jetted off. Since we have missed each other, he surprised me with flowers. Smart guy.

3. Surprises. I sent my grandparents flowers yesterday because they got some not-so-great news and I though they could use something cheerful. The voicemail they left was near five minutes long about how special it was and how much they love me. So as special as the gift was to them, the message they left me was even better.
4. Journeys off the path. This picture was from a vacation with my brothers and sister one summer in Vermont. However this shot was taken on the way there, at Mark Twain's summer house. I'll always be grateful that my parents took us to so many random places along car trips that I've seen a lot of lesser known, historical and beautiful places.

5. Girlfriends. We haven't all been together since a reunion in DC last October during the Rally for Sanity/Halloween weekend. About two months ago we planned our next reunion in Philadelphia (none of us live there but its in the middle of all our locations- perfect!). So I just got back from an incredible weekend in Philly with my best friends. We stayed at the Philadelphia Racquet Club (boy is a club member in DC so he gets guest rates at all their other locations) which was hands down the most beautiful building I've ever stayed in. Seriously. It looked like the back drop of Cruel Intentions. We pranced around Philly and ventured into The Magical Gardens which was so bizarre, COndom Kingdom, and shopping downtown before a fabulous dinner at Tweed where one of our friends' uncle is the chef. Needless to say it was a perfect weekend to be with my best friends and experience so many things we can't get afford :)

GOAL: Boy is home tonight! Yippee! Grilling and wine and bed.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Undies and a Hairbrush

For the past couple days, I have been exhausted. This is no one's fault but my own. I am almost always in bed by 9:00. HOWEVER what is intended to be a quick hour of responding to emails, checking facebook and purusing other blogs, almost always turns into two or three hours of mindless internet surfing. Consequently, I've been going to bed late and having a terrible time waking up in the morning. This morning, to shake myself out of my sluggish demeanour, I turned on my iPod dock and literally danced around my room for 20 minutes. Now if anyone actually watched me doing this they would either think a) i forgot to take my pills, b) i was 13 years old and just saw my first britney spears video, or c) this girl is going to hurt herself. I look like an idiot, and I am not ashamed that I prance around in hideous underwear from 8th grade and sing into a hairbrush (mostly to fulfill the idiotic stereotype that all girls prance around in their undies and sing into hairbrushes). It is a small sliver of time in the day to myself, and I can be as vain and ridiculous as I want, because no one sees but me (God I hope so). So what do I dance around to you might wonder? Here is my playlist for Undies and a Hairbrush"
1. Ray of Light - Madonna
2. Dancing Queen - ABBA
3. Manic MOnday - THe Bangles
4. Kiss - Prince
5. If You Had My Love - JLo
6. Candy - Mandy Moore
7. S Club - S Club 7
8. How Do I Feel - Haiku
9. Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Benningfield
10. Only Girl in the World - Rhianna
11. I Think I'm In Love - Jessica Simpson
12. Open Your Heart to Me - Madonna

I guarantee if you blast these songs and sing into the mirror while jumping on the bed for fifteen minutes in the morning, it will instantly brighten the rest of your day. But be careful! THe slight chance of anyone walking on you could also ruin your entire week. Hmm, that makes me wonder if maybe I should reconsider my underwear of choice...

Happiness Means...
1. This apple pie I baked! First pie and first homemade crust I have ever created. I have no idea how it tastes because I brought it over to boy's last night at 9:00 before we crawled into bed. But it looks divine!

2. These crazy shoes I mentioned purchasing last week, and still enjoy seeing in my closet (especially at the bargain price I got them for!)

3. This view from my roof of Washington...

4. Flowers from boy

5. This bulldog. Boy and I fell in love with him last weekend and are still talking about him. UNfortunately, neither of us can have a pet, nor can we afford one. But I swear, this dog was meant for us (or at least boy).

Goal: Cook a lovely shrimp dinner, enjoy glasses of wine, watch Layercake and crawl in bed with boy.